That age-old sibling question, "Who does Mom/Dad love more?", has been explored in a comprehensive new analysis published in Psychological Bulletin. The research suggests a subtle yet consistent tendency for parents to show a bit more favor towards daughters, as well as children who demonstrate conscientiousness and agreeableness. Interestingly, older siblings may also experience greater independence. These nuanced patterns of preferential treatment emerged from a large-scale meta-analysis encompassing data from over 19,000 individuals.
While considerable research has highlighted the impact of perceived parental favoritism on children's well-being—indicating links to better mental health, stronger family bonds, and greater academic success—the underlying reasons for these differences in treatment have remained less clear. This new study shifts the focus, moving beyond the traditional examination of how parenting shapes children. Instead, the researchers delved into how children's own characteristics might influence the way they are parented.
This fresh perspective aligns with the "child effects model," a concept introduced by Robert Bell in 1968. This model challenges the conventional view of parenting as a one-way street from caregiver to child. Instead, it proposes that children actively contribute to their environment, including shaping their parents' responses to them.
Consider this: a child who is generally calm, cooperative, and responsible might naturally elicit warmer and more supportive parenting. Conversely, a child who tends to be more challenging or emotionally reactive might evoke more controlling or negative parental responses. Building on this idea, the researchers investigated whether specific child traits—such as gender, birth order, temperament, and personality—could predict which sibling receives more favorable treatment.
One of the most notable findings was that conscientious children—those typically seen as responsible, organized, and self-disciplined—were slightly more likely to receive preferential treatment. This was particularly evident in interactions characterized by greater affection or fewer negative exchanges. Parents seemed to display more warmth and less criticism towards children they perceived as more conscientious.
Agreeable children also experienced a slightly higher likelihood of being favored, although this effect was less pronounced.
Gender also appeared to play a role in parental dynamics. When analyzing data reported directly by parents, both mothers and fathers indicated a tendency to treat daughters slightly more favorably than sons. This trend was observed across various countries, with a slightly stronger presence in the United States. Intriguingly, when children themselves reported on favoritism, no gender-based differences were noted. This suggests that while parents may perceive themselves as favoring daughters, children may not interpret or experience those differences in the same way.
“Parents tend to favor daughters, and this is according to the parents – both mothers and fathers,” explained lead study author Alexander C. Jensen, an associate professor at Brigham Young University. “Children didn’t see gender as a factor in favoritism. The gender findings were quite surprising. We initially thought mothers would favor daughters, but fathers would favor sons. So, the finding that fathers also favored daughters was unexpected.”
It's important to acknowledge the limitations of this research. While the study involved a large number of participants, the data primarily originated from Western cultures. Therefore, the findings may not fully apply to other cultural contexts where family structures and parenting norms differ.
Picture: The favorite child (Gemini)
