When my daughter was 10 she would sometimes say, “You’re not the boss of me!” This would always make me stop and think about the tone of voice I was using with her. Was I demanding that she do things or was I asking her politely?

Being bossy has nothing to do with setting rules. You can have rules and expect your children to follow them without treating them as if what they think doesn’t matter.

“I am my children’s mother and I should have the right to tell them what to do and have them snap to it,” a mother said to me the other day.

**For starters, no one likes to be told what to do. And no one likes to do what they are told if the person bossing them around has the “I’m-the-big-dog-deal-with-it” kind of attitude.

Raising children is very similar to running a business. Successful leaders know how to motivate their employees. They know that in order to get the response they want from their employees, they have to earn their respect first.

If you want your children to respond to you, you have to learn how to choose your words carefully. The key is not to have to threaten your children every time you want them to do something.

A parent’s goal is to get their children to want to cooperate. A boss who doesn’t act as if he is higher up than his employees makes everyone feel more comfortable.

Employers who know how to communicate and motivate their team and acknowledge the positive in the group they govern have better results.

Same goes with parenting. Children have their positive points, and when we acknowledge this and then respectfully ask for the things we want them to change in their behavior, they will be more willing to cooperate.

Unless children understand what is expected, they won’t know how to act.**

Parents need to be aware of how often they point out to their children all the incorrect things they say and do.

Just like in business, when you don’t let the people around you know you appreciate their hard work and only point out the mistakes they make, the group will get discouraged.

I’ve heard parents say, “How can I say anything positive to my child when his behavior lately is mostly negative?”

**It might not be easy, but by finding at least one positive thing to say to your child every day, you will be changing the course of his behavior.

Good leadership also means admitting when you are wrong and apologizing when it is necessary. When you are late picking up your children from school or when you yell at them, don’t hesitate to apologize.

Parents who think they are not expected to do this because they are the adult, “the big boss,” should not be surprised when their children do the same. When you apologize, you are modeling how to admit you’ve made a mistake.

Successful parents treat their children with respect – they listen to their children. They value their children and talk to them about their expectations. They acknowledge their children when they do something right and encourage them to do their best.

And most importantly, they are always willing to give and accept apologies, which creates a more peaceful home environment.** (…)

Source: Monitor