Talking about the birds and the bees is so much more than talking about the birds and bees.
And as daunting a task as it may seem to be, parents must be the
primary source of information about sexuality for their children, says
Dr. Donald Greydanus, a professor of pediatrics and human development
at Michigan State University and pediatrics program director for
MSU/Kalamazoo Center for Medical Studies.
"If parents refuse to provide comprehensive sex
education to their kids, the kids will teach themselves," Greydanus
said. "It's been that way for thousands of years."
Taking charge of the situation is the only way to ensure your
children will receive the best and most accurate information that also
reflects your family's values, Graydanus said.
"If schools won't talk about it and parents won't talk about it,
then the world is willing," he said. It used to be that kids would talk
among themselves between classes at school, but now with the Internet
they can learn the facts -- or the misinformation -- from people
halfway around the world, he said.
It's a challenging task to talk with your kids about sexuality,
acknowledged Michael Reece, director of the Center for Sexual Health
Promotion at Indiana University Bloomington. Parents do not need to
know all the answers, but they do need to be willing to talk about the
questions, he said.
"Just talk to your children and let them know there are a lot of
confusing issues about bodies, relationships and making sexual
decisions," Reece said. "Parents need to let children know they're open
to being asked questions."
Andrea Anderson, director of the Center for Leadership in Sexuality
Education at Planned Parenthood of South Central Michigan, said that,
more than anything, you should be prepared to have ongoing discussions
with your child.
"There is no such thing as 'The Talk.' There are tons of little
conversations that need to happen," she said. "It's all about having
someone in your child's life that they know and can trust and who has
accurate information."
Some things, such as anatomy and reproduction, are obvious topics
for a discussion about sexuality. But when considering talking to
children about sex, here are some of the topics you also may want to
discuss or be prepared for:
• Self-esteem -- Every discussion about sexuality
should be designed to build a child's self-esteem, Anderson said. "You
want to empower them to make good decisions on their own, because
you're not going to be there when it matters," she said. "If people
feel good about themselves, their bodies, their minds and their
self-worth, they are less likely to participate in behaviors that are
risky."
Studies show that young men and women who have sexual relations at
an early age often say the biggest reason for doing so is that "the
person they were having it with made them feel good about themselves."
• Sexually transmitted diseases -- More than 3
million teens, or one in four sexually active teens between the ages of
15 and 19, have a sexually transmitted disease, according to the U.S.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And 40 percent of all cases
of chlamydia are reported in the 15-to-19 age group. Adolescents have
the highest rates of gonorrhea of any age group and are considered one
of the groups at highest risk for hepatitis B and human papillomavirus.
• Technology -- A lot of parents don't know all of
the types of technology their kids have access to and the vast range of
possibilities, Reece said. "You might want to talk about having
responsible boundaries around your body, personal information and
access to their personal lives. Students coming out of high school tend
to go overboard in disclosing personal information about boyfriends,
girlfriends, bodies and sexual relationships. It may sound old school
to say, 'Don't do that.' It may be better to talk about the types of
problems that can create and that there still needs to be privacy
around these very personal issues."
• What's being said in school -- A good place to
start a discussion is to have a complete understanding of what your
child is being taught in school, Reece said. Information varies greatly
between school districts, school buildings and individual teachers.
• Abstinence -- Abstinence is a legitimate part of
any discussion about sexuality, but Greydanus warns against taking an
abstinence-only approach. "The prefrontal cortex, which provides
impulse control, doesn't fully develop until a person reaches their
20s," he said. "So kids in the eighth, ninth and 10th grade are a
decade from full maturity, and their hormones, puberty and society are
giving them messages about sex. More than half of all kids are sexually
active in high school."
Parents can promote abstinence while simultaneously having honest
and accurate discussions about sex, Reece said. "Promoting abstinence
and that kind of decision making doesn't mean we should leave children
unprepared for the challenges they will face later in life."
• Condoms -- Reece said his center has a paper
coming out in the American Journal of Public Health that shows that
boys who learned about condoms in high school have fewer unwanted
pregnancies and fewer sexually transmitted diseases over the course of
their lifetimes. Parents may also want to talk about other forms of
birth control with their children.
• Homosexuality -- This can be a very difficult
subject for some parents, especially those who have strong beliefs
against it, Anderson said. But society is becoming less punitive and
less shaming, she said. For those parents who choose to discuss the
topic, she suggests using teachable moments from their own lives to
talk about friends and acquaintances who may be gay or lesbian and what
those terms mean. The fact is that 3 to 5 percent of people in all
civilizations are homosexual, Greydanus said.
• Talk about talking -- The most important thing is
to commit to being open and honest with your children. Admit when you
don't know the answer to their questions and be willing to help them
find the answers through reputable sources. (...)
Source: Kalamazoo Gazette - MLive.com - http://tinyurl.com/lpm39q